Episode 13: The Post that Wasn't

My apologies to my audience that this didn't get posted last night.  I stayed up late talking to a friend and nearly fell asleep on the computer. I postponed this posting until this morning, so here I am, blurry eyed and droopy tailed saying good morning! :)  (Puck, who decided that my normal work schedule wake up call at 5:30 was exactly what I needed, says hi too!)

I am beginning to struggle.  It's not just that I forget to eat, which I have been having a problem with doing lately. I'm not actually getting to my point total that is supposed to be my minimum. I am sort of finding it difficult to remember to record what little I do eat.  My meals have been healthy, and I have been trying to create healthy choices of food around me.  My refrigerator is full of healthy vegetables and my fruit basket is nearly over-flowing (bet you didn't know I already owned a fruit basket!)  I am just not eating as much as I probably should, according to the plan.  I think my friend last night called it "weight watcher's lethargy".  I thought that was a good term.

As I head into my weigh in for week two.. and my third week of blog posts (if I do 7 more,I will have created a good habit.. and I will do one tonight, for I will have much to report), I wonder what things I can do to motivate myself to push past this lethargy barrier.    

One of my motivations is my friends and family who love me.  I have found that I have such an amazing support circle that wants me to succeed that I almost feel like I am letting them down if I don't.  I even had my sister and my brother's fiance post on my Facebook wall a reminder that I needed to blog.  I love that sort of motivation and caring from people who actually pay attention to what I do.

Another motivation, which sounds weird, is my Second Life.  My avatar in that world is thin and gorgeous, and I would love to look and move like she does.  I would love for people to perceive me in that way (though I admit, the tail and ears will have to stay in Second Life) as it gives me so much confidence to do things I would have never done in this body.  I host poetry shows, I go to writing collectives and I run a short story discussion group with a close friend of mine.  I watch my avatar do all of these things, and want the woman who lives behind the screen to be just as hot and talented as the person that I see on the screen.

My last motivation is a sudden fervor for life that I haven't felt in a long time.  I am ecstatic to be alive right now, which is something I couldn't have said a few years ago, when I was wallowing in a depression.  Today, right now, I am happy to be breathing in air, filling my lungs with oxygen and just simply existing.  Everything looks different through my eyes lately, and I am loving just being alive. The wonderment of the sunset, the way the wind blows through my willow tree outside, the friends and family who love me more than I could ever imagine- these are the things that make my life worth living.  

But for now... I'm going back to sleep :)

Thank you to all who read this, and to all who love me. Your support means more to me than anything.

ToryLynn