Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Episode 19: Struggling to eat

Ugh.  It is a strange state of affairs when I actually have to like... find something to eat later at night because I  have 17 points left that I'm supposed to be eating for the day.  The logical part of me - which, for those of you who know me, is actually pretty small - says that I should actually make out a food plan well in advance, so that I know what I'm eating and I can make sure that I get all of my points in.  I know that I should cook more often.  I know that I have a lot of things that I could be doing, but I'm not actually doing them.

I think this afternoon I am going to go grocery shopping.  Today is a prep day and I have lunch with some really awesome history teachers who work at my school, and I think I'll take my Weight Watcher's stuff with me, do all of my grading and get that all caught up, make sure that I am doing well as a teacher, and then start planning out my meals for the week, just to make sure I get all of my points in.  I'll take my weight watcher's cookbook and the cookbooks that Awesome Musician (AM) gave me, and really focus on finding healthy recipes that I can make that will help me lose weight.

I have started to lose patience with this process and I'm sort of disheartened by this week's weight gain.  I know that it wasn't much, and that I could probably rack it up to water weight or something feministic and girly, but I really hadn't been trying very hard last week.  In all honesty, I haven't really started to try very hard this week either.  I am distracted and not obsessing over it, which is what I should be doing.  My most important goal in starting to work out my life and get myself really and truly sorted out should be the weight loss.  I shouldn't worry about much of anything else, because as long as I am healthy, the rest will sort itself out... right?

The shower is calling me, and maybe as I let the past day's dust and dirt wash off of me, I can also let some of the emotional baggage that goes with weight loss run off of me as well.

Just breathe...

Love and hugs!


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