Friday, October 21, 2011

Episode 29: Proud of me

Every night, I sit up for a few minutes and I write down what I ate that day. I used to have a paper book that I recorded everything in, and I have my Droid app for recording stuff in as well, but those mostly get ignored.  I have so many tools at my fingertips, but what seems to be the best thing for me lately is to sit up in the evening, watching movies and talking to AM while I record my food for the day and figure out if I need an evening snack.  Peanut butter from a spoon has become one of my favorite snacks late in the night. High in protein, and only one tablespoon, since it is 5 points for one tablespoon, but once that sticky, sweet almost salty goodness hits my tongue, I am happy.

Every night, as I record my points, he asks me what I am doing and I tell him and then he says "I am so proud of you."  I have heard that statement quite a bit lately, from family and friends.  It is an amazing feeling for someone to take pride in me. It makes me feel amazing every time I hear it.  I know that I shouldn't place my self worth in the opinions of others, but it feels really great to have a little bit of pride in myself.  Yes! I've lost over 10 pounds in the last month. Yes! My clothes are beginning to fit better.  Yes! I can move better now!  I feel amazing and special and it is because so many people have told me that they are proud of me.  I am loving this!

I don't feel depraved.  In fact, just the opposite. I feel satisfied, like the cat that caught the canary and is hiding it under her paw, waiting to savor the experience that skill and life have given her.  I eat enough, I am emotionally fulfilled, I am taking over my own life and it feels amazing. I feel like I can do anything! Now... what was that about Nanowrimo?

Love and snuggles,


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