Episode 44: How to open a banana

Ok.. so.. my breakfast of late has been some sort of cereal with soy milk and a banana added.  Quite the healthy eater I am, eh?  

Bananas have always bothered me.  They are difficult to open sometimes, and then you get that weird thing where the top of the banana will fall off or become mushy from all of the trying to open the banana at the stem.  Well... I found this tip, I think in Google+ (and if you don't use G+, you should), for opening bananas easier.  So.. here is a tip.

First, don't start at the stem side. Start at the bottom of the banana. This is the new top. It has a tip.. kinda of a squarish roundish bit at pinnacle. Then, pinch the tip until it pops. It will usually split into two, sometimes three sections.  Grasp these sections and pull back and.. Viola!! Opened banana without having to struggle with the stem!

My work here is done.  Enjoy your bananas with confidence and joy... as they are yummy and fruitful! (and 0 points, for those of you following along on the WW side!)

Have a great day!

ToryLynn

Episode 43: Back to (a new) life

I had planned a different blog post for today, but I forgot what it was. Anyway...

I have to get back on track.  Thanksgiving week really screwed up my diet, and so now, I have to do something about it.  I have to do something about my life.  I have to something about my EVERYTHING! LOL

Ok.. so.. I have six months until my divorce is final.  That is six months to get myself started on a routine, develop some good habits and start making myself healthier and happier, as well as help those around me be healthier and happier too.

I do a lot of complaining to other people about my own problems.  I also do a lot of gushing to other people that I am in love.  It just happens that way.  It is because that is what is on my mind at the time. It's not that I don't listen to other people's problems, and it's not that I don't try to help them if I feel that I can do something for them, but I spend a lot of time talking about myself, and I think I need to stop doing that.  I'ts very selfish.  This is just something that I've noticed about myself.  Now, of course, my blog is different. My blog is very selfish and I can be selfish here... because it is my blog.  I try not to post anything *too* personal here, or rather, not something that everybody in my life knows about (or at least should be caught up about).  I try to post here about my thoughts, but I won't put in details about private stuff, and I try to make sure that I don't get in trouble here.  I have paper journals for writing out stuff like that.

But now, I have six months.  A time frame for a goal.  I think I like that idea.. a sort of deadline for a new life. I'm thinking about joining the Saturday afternoon Stitch n' Bitch group at my local Panera.  I'm thinking about maybe going back into therapy for a while, just to have a professional help me work through stuff. (I have been off my pills for a few months now and I'm feeling incredibly stable. Amazing what growing up can do for your emotional state).  I have more time to myself, to lesson plan and grade and work on becoming the best damned teacher I can be (in spite of my students).  I know that I want to finish a novel in the next six months and start editing it for possible publication.  I need to start writing fiction again... not some inane drabble about my life.

I feel refreshed.. renewed.  Peaceful.

I know I can do this. I have the strength to do anything.  I can pull my friends and loved ones along with me into this new life too, if they want to come for the ride.

Ok.. my ten minutes of writing for the morning are done.  Breakfast is eaten (granola with soy milk and banana), and I have to go start a new day at school.  Three weeks until Winter Break.  Five weeks to pack up my old place and find a new one. I can live with those timelines.

Peace love and happiness to all!

ToryLynn

Episode 42: The Obligatory Thankful list

Ok. I wrote a longer version of this, but I can't post it here as it is waaay too personal.  Let's just say that I am very thankful for all of the blessings in my life.  Here is a quick list:

I am thankful for:

AM

change

my job

my friends

my family

my best friend

I could elaborate on all of them, but I won't.  I am happy, I am fulfilled, and I am going to go eat some Turkey and Cranberry Sauce and FUCK thinking about points or diets or anything. I will probably gain weight this week.  I think I am perfectly ok with that!

I hope this finds you all well, happy and peaceful on this beautiful American Holiday.  To all of those who aren't aren't American who read my blog.. I hope you have a happy Thursday!

Love,

ToryLynn

Episode 41: End of an Era

Yesterday I filed my divorce papers. I don't really want to talk about it on this blog, as it has little to do with my weight loss journey, or food or anything, but I need to talk about it a little bit.  It is hard.  I feel like the last two months of my life have been a whirlwind of emotion, of hurt, of happiness, of feeling free and feeling so totally alone.  AH moved out on the first of this month.  My apartment is emptier, not just of furniture and stuff, but also of his presence here.  I can't say that I don't miss him, but things in my life are changing.  I am starting to pack up old memories, clear out bookshelves, sort out clothes and things that I no longer need anymore.  I am starting to make a real change in my life and I feel like these changes are good for me.

I eat healthier now.  Last night's dinner was a roasted veggie pizza from Trader Joe's. (I should have only eaten half, but I ate the whole thing).  Tonight's will be Maryland Crab Cakes.  I am learning that I can eat or do just about anything I want now.  I am trying to go out more often, see the world from a new perspective.  I am trying to keep the dishes out of my sink and the plates from around my computer and I'm trying to get more exercise.

I'm not entirely lonely.  If I absolutely need people, there are people out there who I can talk to through this glorious contraption called the interwebs.  Physically, in real life, I'm spending more time on my own.  But I have AM in my ear very often, I have good friends who type at me, who talk about writing and literature and those sorts of things that I have wrapped my entire life around.  I am considering getting more involved in things in the real world, so that when love comes to me, I don't hover around it like a vulture, smothering it to death and then picking at the remains of a corpse that hasn't figured out it is dead yet.

Wandering around downtown yesterday, I found a nice Greek restaurant called Yadoo Yasni, which was sort of a nice surprise. I had an hour to kill between courthouse and paralegal, so I sat and ate breakfast alone.  I texted with a friend, I read some Gaiman (in the middle of American Gods, if you care) and just learned that it's not so bad being on my own because really.. I'm never really alone.

I am sad for my divorce.  I am sad for AH, who has treated me so well over the years and who I am hurting with all of this.  I regret that hurt a lot.  I feel though that it is time for me to move on, to become my own person.  I have never been on my own before, and while it may be a lonely journey, it is a journey that I have to take to learn who I really am, without looking at someone else and trying to define myself by who they want me to be.  I'm ready to do this, but I know that I don't have to do it completely alone.  I have friends who are there for me, holding up the net as I dance on this tightrope called life, ready to catch me when I fall... and then send me back to the tightrope again.

Thank you to all who read this blog. Thank you to all who have been so supportive and wonderful  I know that I am rambly and cranky sometimes, and I know that some of this is probably a bit personal, but it is good to speak out into the void... and hear the echoes of my friends and family telling me that I am strong.

Deep in thought....

ToryLynn

Episode 40: Fresh Flowers

Ok.. so.. it has been Waaay too long since I have been here, writing, sitting at my desk.  I should get back on track with this, since the motivation to eat better is here with my friends and family and those who love me.

I bought myself flowers today.  I have been buying myself fresh cut flowers every Sunday for the last two weeks and I plan on keeping it up every Sunday for as long as I can.  I love flowers.  I think that they are pretty.  I probably could have arranged these better, but it is what it is.  I will buy more next week and try to arrange them.

This week I bought myself roses.. hot pink and white roses, which I love.  I bought them because I deserve them, and I also bought them to celebrate the 4.6 pounds I lost this week.  I have lost 5% of my total body weight so far!  ::happy dances::

Sometimes when I buy myself flowers, I like to make believe that they came from someone who loves me. That some romantic guy (ok.. one in particular) has sent me flowers and is thinking about me.  A silly thought, I know. It's a silly thought because someone who does love me has bought them for me. I bought them for me.. and I love me!  (ok. so I'm a bit of a dork too!)

Anyway... I am off to make pumpkin bread today, and clean my bedroom and do laundry and ignore SL a bit and spend time with myself and maybe do some reading and maybe do some writing and maybe just sit and veg and watch movies or Full Metal Alchemist or find a new girly Anime to watch. (Oh.. I *loved* Angel Beats!  Thank you, AM, for recommending it! I send you much snuggleness for the happy Anime watching!)

Dorkness must be gone now. I am happy and busy and I feel really really awesome today.  I hope you all do too!

Episode 39: Stood Up

OK, so.. I wrote this yesterday morning and didn't finish posting it. Here it is.. and then I'll do my post for today! :)

I got woken up by the wonderful sounds of a text message this morning, which was awesome because the same person texting me was the person I was dreaming about. So Yay!  So now I am up, making apple cinammon muffins which scent my house with their pleasant aroma, and I have a hot cup of my favorite coffee cooling next to me on my keyboard tray.  All is well in the world...

Except...

A friend was supposed to come over last night, we'll initial him... CG for Computer Genius.. because he is... and he was supposed to help me fix my router and maybe hang out for a bit.  I've been a bit lonely since AH moved out (who, I guess, shouldn't be called AH anymore, but I can't figure out any other initials for him right now) and the prospect of someone to hang out with was a happy one.  So, I was there, waiting for CG, at 8:45, figuring he would be here, and he never showed up. I tried to contact him a few times, but without response.  Bleh... color me disappointed.  I hate waiting around for someone hoping that they will show up, and not having them be here when I want htem here. It sucks!  That was a nice part of my evening wasted.

Episode 38: Checks and Balances

Ok.. so, for the first time ever in my entire life, I am taking care of my own money.  I only get paid once a month, and so I start off with a fairly decent balance.. and then watch it slowly drain away with time.  That's a bit unsettling.

So, I was laying in bed this morning, checking my bank account and balancing my checkbook (yay for awesome apps for that. I use Legerist for my checkbook) realizing how awesome it is that I can lay in bed and balance my checkbook.  I can see what has cleared, I can see where my money is going, and realize that I spend too much on fast food and not enough on clothes. My rent is too high, but that is easily fixable by finding a new place to live.  Although I will miss my tower by the river, it is time to move on from it.  That is something that I can possibly lower.

I can also stop eating so much damned fast food and start cooking at home, but I tend to have expensive tastes when I do eat at home.  I love making chicken cordon bleu (not healthy, but totally yummy) or chicken marsala.  I love experimenting with cooking and finding foods that I really like to eat.  I just hate my kitchen.  Hopefully, when looking at a new place, I can find a place with a kitchen that I really like. I am so tired of my teensy tiny little two counter kitchen which is very much a hole in the wall.  I'm not expecting anything large, but something with maybe three counters, or even like.. a bar, would be awesome.  I want to be able to enjoy cooking again.

How did this go from a money blog post to a foodie blog post?  Hmmm... Back on track.

I am glad I have a good job.  I am glad I have a good enough job that I don't have to worry about where my next paycheck is coming from, or what it will look like.  So far, I have put most of my extra overage money into my savings account, and it will stay there unless it is really needed.  It's my "rainy day" fund for when I just need to get the hell out of my life and maybe take a day in San Francisco or something.  I've never been there on my own, and it sounds like it would be a fun adventure.  I want to explore the City, and get to know its ins and outs and become part of the literary community there.  I guess I would have to save up some money for that.. and get over my inherent shyness around people that I don't know.  But.. a once a month trip doesn't sound too costly, as long as I can get my expenses in order.

This is the first month I have ever been on my own.  I am bound to falter, to make some mistakes, to cross a line or trip and fall.  I know that I can pick myself up, brush myself off and keep going.  And if I can't.. I know that there is someone out there with a warm and friendly hand and an open heart.

Thanks to AM for reminding me that I have a blog that needed to be posted in.

Love and lollipops,

ToryLynn

Episode 37: Brrrrrrr

Ok, so.. is it true that living in a cold place helps you burn fat because you're body is spending so much time trying to keep you warm? Please please please let it be true! I am FREEZING for a good cause, right?

Warm fuzzy socks donned, hoody hooded and coffee cup clutched in slightly icy fingers, I am cold!!  I know that my friends who live anywhere but California are going to laugh at me for complaining that I'm freezing here, when they are dealing with temperatures way below the 40 degrees that is says it is outside, but BRRRRR!!  It is 60 degrees inside my house and I am trying to conserve energy, so I am living with the cold, but I am complaining about it too!  It's not chilly enough to use my fireplace though.

Cleaning up around my apartment and trying to get things done. No diet this week, but I will get back on it next week.  I can stock my fridge with healthy food and eat vegetables and be a grown up. I really can!

Hope this finds you all well and happy!

ToryLynn

Episode 36: Return to ... life

I'm going through a lot of shit in my life right now, not a whole lot of it that I am willing to discuss on this blog at this moment, as I'm not entirely sure who reads it and there is only so much I want to share with the world.  All I know right now is that I am truly, deeply, passionately loved by someone out there who is good for my soul and heart.  All I know is that my family and friends are here to support me through whatever choices I make, whether they think of them as good or bad.  All I know is that I love deeply, strongly and that I can love with my head as well as my heart.

Someone inside my heart wrote me last night about hiding and breaking free from fear.  He wrote of a rebirth and casting a shroud over the old life and letting it be.  We can go to cemeteries and look upon something that once was, but we do not dwell in cemeteries.  He was right... let the shroud be cast, let the past lie still where it is and let me awaken from this old life renewed and reborn.

Thank you all in my life for your love and support.  It is time to start a new life. I know that you'll be there with me!

ToryLynn

(Oh, also.. discovered new yummy awesome goodness, thanks to AM.  Peanut butter, butter, honey and granola sammiches.  Sooooo awesome!!!.. but about 14 points per sammich. Goes well with bananas.)

Episode 35: Separated but equal

A lot of stuff going in my life right now.  Too much to post, and I'm not in the mood to talk about it.  Suffice it to say, I've sort of fallen off the bandwagon here lately, though I am getting all my fruits and veggies and trying to stick, at least, to the basics of eating right.

I live in fantasy too often. My life is about to get real in a lot of different ways.  I'm scared, but I know that I can make it through.

You have to get rid of the old to make way for the new. That is just the way life is.  I guess I should stop being a hoarder.

Love is a strange, weird thing sometimes.

It is time to be strong.