Sunday, December 11, 2011

Episode 48: Adulthood

He asked me today what was my proudest moment.  I answered without hesitation that it was the day that I got my BA.  I continued, volunteering that my second proudest moment was the day that I stood in front of my own classroom for the first time.  He still tells me every day, in one way or another, that he is proud of me, but most importantly, I am becoming proud of myself.

So, you know how, when you're a kid you often have to have an adult tell you to "eat your vegetables"?  I think I need an adult in my life now.  I haven't really eaten a lot of vegetables in recent years. In fact, I pretty much hate vegetables.  I realize that I'm an adult myself, I realize that I have a lot of really great things going for me right now, but I still hate eating vegetables.  It may be that I haven't yet found a vegetable that I like particularly well.  I'm willing to try some.  I'm willing to try a few, actually. For instance, today I bought some brussel sprouts.  Brussel sprouts have been my most maligned vegetable ever. The first time I tried to eat them, they had been boiled and they nearly made me gag.  I have had many people tell me that brussel sprouts are actually pretty good, so I am willing to give them another try. Now I need to find some recipes that may make brussel sprouts palatable.  I've heard a few.. fry them in butter and garlic, roast them with garlic, roast them with onions... If you have any suggestions, let me know. The bag I got from TraderJoe's says to microwave them within the bag and I'm kinda icked out by the idea.

I'm taking more pride in who I am.  When asked about my proudest moments, I have quite a few.  College graduation, becoming a teacher, and now, kind of.. getting out on my own and being my own person.  I'm not looking to anybody to support me and I can take care of myself.  I have worked hard for a lot of my victories.  I studied, I read, I planned on ways to help myself become successful.  My success is not only my own. Others have helped me along the way, and have supported me, and while I appreciate all of their help, I was the one who got the degree, I was the one who became a teacher.  I know this sounds selfish and prideful, and perhaps it is. I worked hard to get where I am today.  What I'm going through lately, with my divorce and my weight loss, is also going to take a lot of work and a lot of time to get through.  I know that I am not alone. I know that I have friends and family who will be there to back me up and support me, but I also know that I have hard work that only I can do.  I have to start planning out what I eat, making plans, sticking to them, in order to be successful in weight loss.  I have to start planning out a budget and sticking to it in order to be successful in my finances.

I've never been much of a planner. In the words of Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman", "I'm kind of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl".  EH (changed now, for Ex-Husband) was always the planner.  He made elaborate itineraries, booked hotels, figured out what we were doing for vacations, for work, for life.  It was his job, and so I let him do it in our lives as well.  Now, I'm on my own to do those sorts of things, and I'm finding it difficult.  I have to plan out meals, make grocery lists, take care of the cats (which, I feel, are sadly neglected) and learn to finally be an adult.

It is strange to finally take care of myself.  Much of my family has said to me in the past that EH was good for me because he "took good care of me".  Not to impugn EH, but.. if he took such good care of me, how is it that I nearly had a nervous breakdown a few years ago? How is it that I came to weigh over 300 pounds? Why is it that I'm struggling to pay down the massive credit card debt that we have gotten into over our 9 year marriage, and I have no assets to show for it?  Don't get me wrong. I am not angry at him. I am angry at myself for allowing myself to be treated like a child and not taking care of - or much interest in - things like my health and my finances before.  Much of what I am going through right now could have been avoided if I had taken better care of myself in the past.  Thirty-five is kind of late in the game to be finally growing up and becoming an adult, but here I am, throwing my hat in the ring of adulthood and hoping that I find myself in the process.

I guess part of that adulthood is that I learn to eat vegetables. Blech...

Got any good recipes?

With love and laughter...


1 comment:

  1. Trim the stem ends of the sprouts and cut them in half. Dice an onion and an apple. Very lightly coat then all in olive oil (a cooking spray works very well). Salt and pepper to taste. Roast in a 400 degree oven until the sprouts are tender, but not mushy (about 30 minutes).

    This is our go-to recipe for brussel sprouts. I have also had an absolutely amazing sprout slaw, but I don't know the recipe off the top of my head.

    You should come up to Sacramento for dinner with us some time.


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