So, I went to a conference this weekend. It was pretty awesome. I learned a lot of educating stuff, and I got to hang out with and strengthen my relationship with some of the teachers around my district. I would like to see my district, a quite large one, learn to use the information that we were given at the conference. I would like to see deeper collaboration, time spent on learning, getting to know each other and having a good time doing it. I think that is what a lot of my district has a problem with. There are so many bitter teachers that sit around and complain about how awful the district is and how we have no choice in the matter without actually wanting to do anything. They need to change that attitude... and I guess, so do I.
Mostly I need to change my attitude about weight loss and getting healthier. I admit, my attitude isn't the greatest. I could be a lot better. I complain that I hurt; I complain that I'm tired; I complain that I'm just not in the mood. But when it comes down to it, I think there is a little bit of fear there as well. While I'm not entirely comfortable in my body.. ok.. I'm not comfortable at all in my body, I have found that I'm sort of scared of the expectations of other people. I think I had a blog post about this about a month or two ago. I haven't really been blogging and I'm tired of saying "oh, I'll get back to it" and then not, so I'm just going to do it. I was losing weight and being healthier when I blogged, and so I just need to do it.
I am finding that I blog more about what I think people should hear, or do things that people think that people expect me to do or say. I have great ideas, but I'm awful at enforcing them on myself, I guess.
So anyway, to today's topic. (I did mention I ramble, didn't I?)
At my conference this weekend, they gave out these Google Badges, one for each level of learning. If you went to certain sessions, you got the badges and you had a certain amount of.. well.. teacher cred. I got all three badges from the conference, and I was able to brag to one of the administrators who had joined us. And then AM and I were discussing weight loss and Weight Watchers and points and such. We use an app called Fooducate sometimes to tell us how healthy certain foods are. These foods come with a certain point system. Point systems just work sometimes, you know. And badges. Which is why Weight Watchers sort of worked for me. It was a definitive, easy to count amount of points, and you could earn little trinkets and badges and such. You got weight loss cred.
Unfortunately, I have lost all of my cred. Excepting the 4 pounds I seem to keep losing and gaining back (and 4 pounds really isn't that much to me) I am at the heaviest weight I can remember being ever. I need to get my cred back. Maybe the way I can do that is with stickers, or badges that I create. I could have a smallish one that is for each pound that I have lost. A bigger one for when I lose 5% of my body weight, a bigger one and a non-food item that I want when I've lost 10%... and keep going from there. I would often lose 10% of my body weight with Weight Watchers, but because that was the last bit that you could lose before they expected you to get your "lifetime" goal of whatever the BMI recommendations are (which for me are between 110 and 130), I would quit because I didn't have that reward system anymore. I would have to lose half of myself and then half of that again almost to get down to that place, and that is intimidating. Lost 30 pounds! Yay.. 10% of my weight, but then.. what after that. It is nearly 200 pounds without any sort of reward, just a massive slog and a lot of plateaus.
No, I won't go back on Weight Watchers, but I do need to start giving myself, or making myself badges. If I could figure out how, I would post them to my blog, somewhere visible. A whole stream of little stickery badges down the side, 230 of them for each pound I will lose. Give me some Cred.
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Episode 71: Challenge accepted
I post this picture for a few reasons. One, to motivate me to get my ass moving, and off the couch. I look awful and I look fat and I have bingo curtains. I mean really!! BINGO CURTAINS!! I cannot believe I let myself get this big. I post this picture because I am ashamed of the way that I look. I am ashamed of who and what I have become over the years through unhealthy eating, lack of movement and a great deal of depression that I haven't been willing or able to accept over the years.
Another reason I post this picture is because it is real. I am not hiding behind a gorgeous, thin avatar. I am not trying to be someone I am not and I am not trying to fool myself any longer. In my head, I am a much much thinner person, but I have to honest with myself about who I am and what I look like if I want to start to lose the weight. I can't fool myself and eat another doughnut or have another soda thinking "oh, I can work this off later." It's not going to happen. I have to put down the carbs and be realistic about how I got here in the first place and how I am going to get myself out of it. I packed on this weight, this fat, this body and it took me years to do it. It is going to take me a long time to get it off, but putting it on took a lot of work too.
The last reason I post this picture now is that it will be different in a month's time. When I weigh in again in 31 days, at the end of the challenge, my friend, TechnoDude (henceforth referred to as TD) will take another picture of me and I will post that one too and I will be able to see the awesomeness shining through under a much thinner layer of fat. I don't expect it all to go away in a month, but a month is a good start for starting new habits.
Look out world, here I come!
Love and Lollipops,
ToryLynn
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Episode 64: Satisficer or Maximizer?
AM and I were recently discussing the difference between being a satisficer and a maximizer. Let me step into teacher mode, for a few seconds, a give you a few definitions:
Sat-is-fice-r (n). One who, in the search for a product or a service, will look for specific criteria and purchase said products or service once a specific criteria has been met. Shirley, a satisficer, found a camera that she liked that had most of the features she wanted, so she bought it.
Max-im-ize-r (n.) One who, in search for a product or service, may find a product that will meet a specific criteria but continue to look until they find the "best" product for them. Jean, a maximizer, refuses to buy a new suit until he looks in every shop and reads the fashion magazines to look for the best cut color for his body shape.
I think that, in the grand scheme of things, I tend to be a satisficer. I see something that I want, something that maybe I have been thinking about buying for a long while, and if looks decent enough, I will buy it. I don't have to visit the consumer magazines, I don't have to look at the websites. I know that that article of whatever is exactly want to buy.
I'm also a sucker for good advertising. Show me a good trick or gimmick, something that may make me go "ooohhh" or think that that product is good for me in the long run, and I am more likely to buy that item. I love a good sales pitch, especially when it ends with "and for a limited time, we'll knock of x amount of money from the original cost". I love to buy things.
Now, AM and I had been considering replacing my old and ratty cookware. Old Teflon stuff from IKEA that I had bought ages ago. One pan had gotten so bad that it had a hill in the middle. If you wanted to fry something, you had to get used to using the sides of the pan because the grease or oil or whatever you were cooking in would just run down to the sides. Most of the pans had deep scratches on them and some of the Teflon was scratching off. (Some say that Teflon is bad for you, as it will flake off and has harmful chemicals, some say that it is harmless. I am erring on the side of safety and not going with Non-stick).
Now, we did do some research. We haunted the housewares departments of Sears and Dillards and J.C. Penney's, looking at the Calphalon, the All-Clad, even Paula Deen's and Emeril's sponsored brands. We coveted that shiny metal cookware. We went home; we looked at websites; we even checked out a few consumer reports.
And then we went to the State Fair. And there, for more money that we could probably afford, was our cookware. Now, like a new bride who is just getting to know her mate, I am incredibly protective of my new cookware. It was a lot of money, but was it worth it. The demonstration chef promised a world with no more cooking with oils, no more butters, no more frying. He cooked us up crisp delicious vegetables. We "oohed and ahhed" at the taste of the succulent chicken cooked without even water, deliciously seared in its own juices. We had to have this cookware!
So, with the idea of "well, we're investing in our health and in our future" we ordered it. Of course, we looked up reviews online as soon as we got home and read that it wasn't the greatest stuff, but at this point, I was committed. I was waiting for my stainless steel, seven layer bridegroom of cookware to come to my doorstep and sweep me off of my feet and into better health.
It arrived 10 days later, all shiny and new. I immediately went to the fridge, grabbed a few ears of corn and tried to recreate one of the dishes I had seen our masterchef/salesman create at the Fair. I succeeded in burning the pan. A good deal of elbow grease and some stainless steel cleaner, AM got the burn marks out. It was then that I decided to read the directions...
Now that we've had it for a few weeks, I am learning to cook again. I am learning to cook with less water, less oils. I am learning the true flavors of food. Chicken without any seasonings is amazing! Tonight I made pork roast (which I cut into slices) roasted on the stovetop with onions and garlic. I used the drippings to make a delicious gravy without any butter that would have been worthy of biscuits and gravy, had we had any biscuits.
Now, I want to learn to really cook! I want to take cooking classes, and learn how to make foods that make the mouth water. AM bought a few "low sugar" cookbooks, to help us on our way and I've marked the recipes for salmon, steak diane with cremini mushrooms, fluffy omelets with avocado. It all looks really great!
In the end, my satisficer instinct wasn't much off with this purchase. So far, even though I bought it on a whim, I seem to have had a bit of the maximizer instict with me too. This cookware is supposed to last me the rest of my life. With the quality of it, and learning how to cook right, I have no doubts that I will test that claim.
Here's to our health!
Love and Lollipops,
ToryLynn
P.S. If you don't burn the heck out of it, it cleans up incredibly easily too!
Sat-is-fice-r (n). One who, in the search for a product or a service, will look for specific criteria and purchase said products or service once a specific criteria has been met. Shirley, a satisficer, found a camera that she liked that had most of the features she wanted, so she bought it.
Max-im-ize-r (n.) One who, in search for a product or service, may find a product that will meet a specific criteria but continue to look until they find the "best" product for them. Jean, a maximizer, refuses to buy a new suit until he looks in every shop and reads the fashion magazines to look for the best cut color for his body shape.
I think that, in the grand scheme of things, I tend to be a satisficer. I see something that I want, something that maybe I have been thinking about buying for a long while, and if looks decent enough, I will buy it. I don't have to visit the consumer magazines, I don't have to look at the websites. I know that that article of whatever is exactly want to buy.
I'm also a sucker for good advertising. Show me a good trick or gimmick, something that may make me go "ooohhh" or think that that product is good for me in the long run, and I am more likely to buy that item. I love a good sales pitch, especially when it ends with "and for a limited time, we'll knock of x amount of money from the original cost". I love to buy things.
Now, AM and I had been considering replacing my old and ratty cookware. Old Teflon stuff from IKEA that I had bought ages ago. One pan had gotten so bad that it had a hill in the middle. If you wanted to fry something, you had to get used to using the sides of the pan because the grease or oil or whatever you were cooking in would just run down to the sides. Most of the pans had deep scratches on them and some of the Teflon was scratching off. (Some say that Teflon is bad for you, as it will flake off and has harmful chemicals, some say that it is harmless. I am erring on the side of safety and not going with Non-stick).
Now, we did do some research. We haunted the housewares departments of Sears and Dillards and J.C. Penney's, looking at the Calphalon, the All-Clad, even Paula Deen's and Emeril's sponsored brands. We coveted that shiny metal cookware. We went home; we looked at websites; we even checked out a few consumer reports.
And then we went to the State Fair. And there, for more money that we could probably afford, was our cookware. Now, like a new bride who is just getting to know her mate, I am incredibly protective of my new cookware. It was a lot of money, but was it worth it. The demonstration chef promised a world with no more cooking with oils, no more butters, no more frying. He cooked us up crisp delicious vegetables. We "oohed and ahhed" at the taste of the succulent chicken cooked without even water, deliciously seared in its own juices. We had to have this cookware!
So, with the idea of "well, we're investing in our health and in our future" we ordered it. Of course, we looked up reviews online as soon as we got home and read that it wasn't the greatest stuff, but at this point, I was committed. I was waiting for my stainless steel, seven layer bridegroom of cookware to come to my doorstep and sweep me off of my feet and into better health.
It arrived 10 days later, all shiny and new. I immediately went to the fridge, grabbed a few ears of corn and tried to recreate one of the dishes I had seen our masterchef/salesman create at the Fair. I succeeded in burning the pan. A good deal of elbow grease and some stainless steel cleaner, AM got the burn marks out. It was then that I decided to read the directions...
Now that we've had it for a few weeks, I am learning to cook again. I am learning to cook with less water, less oils. I am learning the true flavors of food. Chicken without any seasonings is amazing! Tonight I made pork roast (which I cut into slices) roasted on the stovetop with onions and garlic. I used the drippings to make a delicious gravy without any butter that would have been worthy of biscuits and gravy, had we had any biscuits.
Now, I want to learn to really cook! I want to take cooking classes, and learn how to make foods that make the mouth water. AM bought a few "low sugar" cookbooks, to help us on our way and I've marked the recipes for salmon, steak diane with cremini mushrooms, fluffy omelets with avocado. It all looks really great!
In the end, my satisficer instinct wasn't much off with this purchase. So far, even though I bought it on a whim, I seem to have had a bit of the maximizer instict with me too. This cookware is supposed to last me the rest of my life. With the quality of it, and learning how to cook right, I have no doubts that I will test that claim.
Here's to our health!
Love and Lollipops,
ToryLynn
P.S. If you don't burn the heck out of it, it cleans up incredibly easily too!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Episode 57: Point-less
A confession: Since AM has been here, I haven't really been counting points. I haven't been eating awfully,and we are keeping each other on task for exercise and walking and being healthy. I haven't been following the Weight Watcher's way, and I haven't been going to meetings, or even really weighing in.
But... I feel healthier. I am happy. I admit, my weight has always been a bit of a hassle for me, a bit of a sore spot, and it's not like I don't care about it, but I am happier and I think healthier even if I'm not really paying attention to points. I eat my vegetables with (nearly) every meal. Instead of candy bars and carbs in my desk, I keep a small container of nuts and dried fruit next to my projector at school and munch a bit while my students are working. Instead of ice cream every night (I was incredibly addicted to Drumsticks for a while), I grab a mandarin orange out of the basket on our table.
Don't get me wrong, I do still eat ice cream and brownies. I still make mini pies for dinner (bacon, mushroom and cheddar are my favorites), but I'm not constantly craving it anymore. I'm not constantly in need of something sweet. I do enjoy it from time to time, but my cravings are starting to go away.
I am watching my carb intake, and my sugar intake (although the White Chocolate Mocha I just had at Starbucks probably would kill any Atkins subscriber immediately), but I'm not starving myself, I'm not feeling deprived. I feel healthier than I have in a really long time. I do sort of envy the people who start and continue a program like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or even Atkins. These are things I just don't have the mental toughness and will power to follow through on. So, I will just keep on keeping on, making healthier choices without really depriving myself and I will just learn to be happier. I"m learning that happiness, in the long run, means more to me than food.
I am finding other things to be happy about: my Nook, my wonderful boyfriend, a shared meal at the dinner table, a good conversation. I will always be thankful that AM has brought these things into my life. (Ok... ok... enough sappy romance.)
I will continue with my weight loss journey. I will lose weight, but I will not obsess over it. I will eat healthier foods (and share them with you, oh obscure reader). I will strive to lead a healthier, happier, more active lifestyle. For now, I leave with one parting thought:
It is not how much you weigh that will be weighed in the balance at the end of your life. Friends and family will not judge you on how large your casket is, but how large your heart was. Be kind, gentle reader, to those around you. It is the greatest measure of a person.
With love and lollipops,
ToryLynn
But... I feel healthier. I am happy. I admit, my weight has always been a bit of a hassle for me, a bit of a sore spot, and it's not like I don't care about it, but I am happier and I think healthier even if I'm not really paying attention to points. I eat my vegetables with (nearly) every meal. Instead of candy bars and carbs in my desk, I keep a small container of nuts and dried fruit next to my projector at school and munch a bit while my students are working. Instead of ice cream every night (I was incredibly addicted to Drumsticks for a while), I grab a mandarin orange out of the basket on our table.
Don't get me wrong, I do still eat ice cream and brownies. I still make mini pies for dinner (bacon, mushroom and cheddar are my favorites), but I'm not constantly craving it anymore. I'm not constantly in need of something sweet. I do enjoy it from time to time, but my cravings are starting to go away.
I am watching my carb intake, and my sugar intake (although the White Chocolate Mocha I just had at Starbucks probably would kill any Atkins subscriber immediately), but I'm not starving myself, I'm not feeling deprived. I feel healthier than I have in a really long time. I do sort of envy the people who start and continue a program like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or even Atkins. These are things I just don't have the mental toughness and will power to follow through on. So, I will just keep on keeping on, making healthier choices without really depriving myself and I will just learn to be happier. I"m learning that happiness, in the long run, means more to me than food.
I am finding other things to be happy about: my Nook, my wonderful boyfriend, a shared meal at the dinner table, a good conversation. I will always be thankful that AM has brought these things into my life. (Ok... ok... enough sappy romance.)
I will continue with my weight loss journey. I will lose weight, but I will not obsess over it. I will eat healthier foods (and share them with you, oh obscure reader). I will strive to lead a healthier, happier, more active lifestyle. For now, I leave with one parting thought:
It is not how much you weigh that will be weighed in the balance at the end of your life. Friends and family will not judge you on how large your casket is, but how large your heart was. Be kind, gentle reader, to those around you. It is the greatest measure of a person.
With love and lollipops,
ToryLynn
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Episode 49: What's in a name?
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet, so Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that dear perfection which he owes."
Juliet said it best. A name is just a marker that is chosen for us at birth, something that our parents choose for us, something that we don't really think about, because we think it is out of our control. If I change my name, I will still be the same perfect person that I am. And so, as Juliet requests of Romeo, I may doff my name.
As we grow up, we identify with our names, we become attached to them, for the most part. As a woman gets married, in subservience to her husband, she changes her name to his, allowing him to dominate her nomenclature and taking away a part of her orginal identity, melding herself with him. He does not take her name, and stays the same person, not allowing himself to be subjugated, but instead becoming dominant. It's been this way in our society for at least a thousand years, and women have put up with it. Hell, I've put up with it. I changed my name when I got married. I thought it would bring me closer to my husband. Things change.
I've been thinking a lot about my name, and posted a bit to Facebook about a possible name change, which prompted this post.
Now that I am divorcing, I have a chance to go back to my original name. Actually, it's even drawn up in my divorce papers that I will return to Victoria H----, but I'm not sure about this. My name has become sort of a sticking point for me for as long as I can remember.
I was born Victoria H---- over 35 years ago. My parents decided to call me Vicky, which changed to Vicki when I got to kindergarten and was asked which way I would like to spell my name. (I think I simply asked which letter comes first in the alphabet and decided that was how I would spell my name.) I was Vicki H--- from kindergarten until my sophomore year of high school. As Vicki H----, I was mostly subservient, quiet, kind, polite, not much of a troublemaker... for the most part. I had my fits of teenaged rebellion, but Vicki H---- was who I remained for a very very long time.
In my sophomore year of high school, I grew very rebellious and changed quite a bit. This new identity that I created, this rebellious teenager who wouldn't take shit from anybody was called Tory. When I moved in with my grandmother briefly during my sophomore year, when asked what I would like to be called (Victoria was too formal), I told the teacher's Tory, and for three months, Tory went to Menlo-Atherton high school. Tory H----- was kind of a no nonsense kind of girl. I liked her.
I returned to Stockton and my name, changing it just a little bit to Vicky H----. The addition of the Y did little to change me and I returned to the girl I was. When I became interested in computers, my computer handle was Vixen, or sometimes Vixen Vipere, after a old device that my boyfriend and I had used in our writing. It was short for Vixantrayil, a name that I played with like a toy, a character I had created for a book that we had written together.
When I got married, I took my husband's last name as was tradition and was Vicky L---. We got married in 1998 and I stayed Vicky L--- for at least 7 years. Everybody still called me Vicky, at least family and friends, but I was in college and Vicky just seemed too..childish. Vicky, in my mind, was a cheerleader, a sorority sister, a little girl with pigtails and just wasn't who I was anymore. I attempted to get people to call me Victoria, which seemed much more professional and was the name that was put on all of my degrees. But my friends and family insisted on calling me Vicky... except one person.
With one person, I confident and powerful and I didn't take shit. He made me feel strong. For this person, I was Tory again. He called me Tory for a good five years, and I loved him for the confidence that he seemed to give me. A false confidence, I am sorry to say, for when he pushed me away, all of that confidence broke.
With a little time and healing, I knew that I could not go back to being Vicky again and Victoria didn't quite fit right. It felt a bit big for me, so I took the name Tory back and made it my own. I grew confident, I added my middle name to it and became ToryLynn online (although everybody still called me Tory). I grew into ToryLynn and became strong. I felt confident, I felt powerful, and I felt good finally being who I really wanted to be. I joined writing groups, I became a big part of the writing community on Second Life for a while, and I felt like a better person. I had found my power.
Unfortunately, as I gained my power as ToryLynn, Vicky was being left far behind with my husband. I grew apart from him as I pursued my creativity and my power. I feel bad about doing that, especially today. Now, I am leaving him. It's not like I suddenly stopped loving. It is that I grew up and became a different person.
So, now this new person needs a new name. In some societies, you are given a child name, something that your parents and family call you which is a personal name just for them. When you grow up in this society, you are given a new name by an elder, or are asked to choose your own, something that represents you. This new stage in my life is giving me a chance to choose my name and become a new person. The strong, confident, beautiful woman that I know Ican be am.
I am reluctant to return to H----- as I don't want to be the child that I was before I got married, and I don't want to keep my husband's last name, since I have outgrown that as well. I consider changing it to McGregor and becoming Victoria McGregor, which would look good on a book jacket, and Tory McGregor, which sounds awesome, and very ethnic to me. Back to my Scottish ancestors, honoring my blood. Another option is Victoria French, my grandmother's last name. Both are options which I find interesting, which I think are good.
I will try on both for the next five months, and make my decision once my divorce is final. I will give it a lot of thought.
Until next time, I am just
ToryLynn
Juliet said it best. A name is just a marker that is chosen for us at birth, something that our parents choose for us, something that we don't really think about, because we think it is out of our control. If I change my name, I will still be the same perfect person that I am. And so, as Juliet requests of Romeo, I may doff my name.
As we grow up, we identify with our names, we become attached to them, for the most part. As a woman gets married, in subservience to her husband, she changes her name to his, allowing him to dominate her nomenclature and taking away a part of her orginal identity, melding herself with him. He does not take her name, and stays the same person, not allowing himself to be subjugated, but instead becoming dominant. It's been this way in our society for at least a thousand years, and women have put up with it. Hell, I've put up with it. I changed my name when I got married. I thought it would bring me closer to my husband. Things change.
I've been thinking a lot about my name, and posted a bit to Facebook about a possible name change, which prompted this post.
Now that I am divorcing, I have a chance to go back to my original name. Actually, it's even drawn up in my divorce papers that I will return to Victoria H----, but I'm not sure about this. My name has become sort of a sticking point for me for as long as I can remember.
I was born Victoria H---- over 35 years ago. My parents decided to call me Vicky, which changed to Vicki when I got to kindergarten and was asked which way I would like to spell my name. (I think I simply asked which letter comes first in the alphabet and decided that was how I would spell my name.) I was Vicki H--- from kindergarten until my sophomore year of high school. As Vicki H----, I was mostly subservient, quiet, kind, polite, not much of a troublemaker... for the most part. I had my fits of teenaged rebellion, but Vicki H---- was who I remained for a very very long time.
In my sophomore year of high school, I grew very rebellious and changed quite a bit. This new identity that I created, this rebellious teenager who wouldn't take shit from anybody was called Tory. When I moved in with my grandmother briefly during my sophomore year, when asked what I would like to be called (Victoria was too formal), I told the teacher's Tory, and for three months, Tory went to Menlo-Atherton high school. Tory H----- was kind of a no nonsense kind of girl. I liked her.
I returned to Stockton and my name, changing it just a little bit to Vicky H----. The addition of the Y did little to change me and I returned to the girl I was. When I became interested in computers, my computer handle was Vixen, or sometimes Vixen Vipere, after a old device that my boyfriend and I had used in our writing. It was short for Vixantrayil, a name that I played with like a toy, a character I had created for a book that we had written together.
When I got married, I took my husband's last name as was tradition and was Vicky L---. We got married in 1998 and I stayed Vicky L--- for at least 7 years. Everybody still called me Vicky, at least family and friends, but I was in college and Vicky just seemed too..childish. Vicky, in my mind, was a cheerleader, a sorority sister, a little girl with pigtails and just wasn't who I was anymore. I attempted to get people to call me Victoria, which seemed much more professional and was the name that was put on all of my degrees. But my friends and family insisted on calling me Vicky... except one person.
With one person, I confident and powerful and I didn't take shit. He made me feel strong. For this person, I was Tory again. He called me Tory for a good five years, and I loved him for the confidence that he seemed to give me. A false confidence, I am sorry to say, for when he pushed me away, all of that confidence broke.
With a little time and healing, I knew that I could not go back to being Vicky again and Victoria didn't quite fit right. It felt a bit big for me, so I took the name Tory back and made it my own. I grew confident, I added my middle name to it and became ToryLynn online (although everybody still called me Tory). I grew into ToryLynn and became strong. I felt confident, I felt powerful, and I felt good finally being who I really wanted to be. I joined writing groups, I became a big part of the writing community on Second Life for a while, and I felt like a better person. I had found my power.
Unfortunately, as I gained my power as ToryLynn, Vicky was being left far behind with my husband. I grew apart from him as I pursued my creativity and my power. I feel bad about doing that, especially today. Now, I am leaving him. It's not like I suddenly stopped loving. It is that I grew up and became a different person.
So, now this new person needs a new name. In some societies, you are given a child name, something that your parents and family call you which is a personal name just for them. When you grow up in this society, you are given a new name by an elder, or are asked to choose your own, something that represents you. This new stage in my life is giving me a chance to choose my name and become a new person. The strong, confident, beautiful woman that I know I
I am reluctant to return to H----- as I don't want to be the child that I was before I got married, and I don't want to keep my husband's last name, since I have outgrown that as well. I consider changing it to McGregor and becoming Victoria McGregor, which would look good on a book jacket, and Tory McGregor, which sounds awesome, and very ethnic to me. Back to my Scottish ancestors, honoring my blood. Another option is Victoria French, my grandmother's last name. Both are options which I find interesting, which I think are good.
I will try on both for the next five months, and make my decision once my divorce is final. I will give it a lot of thought.
Until next time, I am just
ToryLynn
Friday, September 30, 2011
Episode 11: Trike-a-thon!
... which I probably spelled wrong.
I don't think I had ever been to the military base that my sister works on until today. I didn't get to see much of it, just the preschool, but it was nice, what I saw. The preschool is a low-lying one story building with a chain link fence surrounding it, where my nephew makes friends. He is easily picked out by the shock of red hair glows copper in the sunlight, and the big goofy smile. This kid is awesome. He has this excellent sense of wonder, and since he is 2 and a half, he is just learning about the world. Since he is just 2 and a half, he doesn't quite have the vocabulary or the linguistic skills to fully detail what he is thinking, but the other day, I walked around with him and he told me the colors of everything that he could see. It was a nice walk.
Today was especially nice to see the outpouring of support for my sister, which came after a great outpouring of support for me from a lot of outlets after my fairly whiny post yesterday. My mom and her husband were there, video-taping and taking pictures of all of the kids gathered. My sister's best friend came over and watched for a while. At first, there were about 20 kids, altogether in the 3-4 age group. Their tricycles, or sometimes even bicycles with the spindly training wheels which are never on the ground at the same time, riding around like a NASCAR circle, and causing just as many accidents, as they spontaneously decide to abandon their tricycles and go for the watermelon and water bottles that the preschool teachers offer them for refreshment. Being around children all day seems to me that it would be so exhilarating, but also so incredibly exhausting. Not a job I think I would be very good at.. at least not that age group. I asked one of the teachers if she often went home with bruises on her shins, and I think her answer was something like "You have no idea", after she rolled her eyes.
When my nephew's (IN from now on.. for Incredible Nephew) group came up.. the 2-3 group (or possibly younger.. he's getting to be such a big boy), IN brought out his shining blue tricycle, which I am sure had been newly washed, and shone brightly in the sun. It was the most resplendent of all of the tricycles there, the wheels painted to match, and the wooden board on the back. My brother-in-law could step on the bike and make it speed to incredible speeds (for a tricycle) and I could hear IN laughing with that cheerful childhood abandon that we seem to lose and only find when in the presence of close friends and lovers. No times were taken for his age group, and my only complaint is that they didn't give them longer to ride, and instead went back after 15 minutes.
Altogether, a good day, followed by a good (if pointy) lunch, followed by a wonderful evening of killing stuff with AH and then a good conversation and a Haunted House roam in SL to cap off a really great day. Even after all of that eating, I only had 4 points more than my daily allowance, and I am keeping on track. I am trying to make healthy choices for myself, not just in what I eat, but also in the people that I share my life with. I think I am doing pretty well so far! :)
Thanks for reading, and thank you all so much for your love and support!
-ToryLynn
I don't think I had ever been to the military base that my sister works on until today. I didn't get to see much of it, just the preschool, but it was nice, what I saw. The preschool is a low-lying one story building with a chain link fence surrounding it, where my nephew makes friends. He is easily picked out by the shock of red hair glows copper in the sunlight, and the big goofy smile. This kid is awesome. He has this excellent sense of wonder, and since he is 2 and a half, he is just learning about the world. Since he is just 2 and a half, he doesn't quite have the vocabulary or the linguistic skills to fully detail what he is thinking, but the other day, I walked around with him and he told me the colors of everything that he could see. It was a nice walk.
Today was especially nice to see the outpouring of support for my sister, which came after a great outpouring of support for me from a lot of outlets after my fairly whiny post yesterday. My mom and her husband were there, video-taping and taking pictures of all of the kids gathered. My sister's best friend came over and watched for a while. At first, there were about 20 kids, altogether in the 3-4 age group. Their tricycles, or sometimes even bicycles with the spindly training wheels which are never on the ground at the same time, riding around like a NASCAR circle, and causing just as many accidents, as they spontaneously decide to abandon their tricycles and go for the watermelon and water bottles that the preschool teachers offer them for refreshment. Being around children all day seems to me that it would be so exhilarating, but also so incredibly exhausting. Not a job I think I would be very good at.. at least not that age group. I asked one of the teachers if she often went home with bruises on her shins, and I think her answer was something like "You have no idea", after she rolled her eyes.
When my nephew's (IN from now on.. for Incredible Nephew) group came up.. the 2-3 group (or possibly younger.. he's getting to be such a big boy), IN brought out his shining blue tricycle, which I am sure had been newly washed, and shone brightly in the sun. It was the most resplendent of all of the tricycles there, the wheels painted to match, and the wooden board on the back. My brother-in-law could step on the bike and make it speed to incredible speeds (for a tricycle) and I could hear IN laughing with that cheerful childhood abandon that we seem to lose and only find when in the presence of close friends and lovers. No times were taken for his age group, and my only complaint is that they didn't give them longer to ride, and instead went back after 15 minutes.
Altogether, a good day, followed by a good (if pointy) lunch, followed by a wonderful evening of killing stuff with AH and then a good conversation and a Haunted House roam in SL to cap off a really great day. Even after all of that eating, I only had 4 points more than my daily allowance, and I am keeping on track. I am trying to make healthy choices for myself, not just in what I eat, but also in the people that I share my life with. I think I am doing pretty well so far! :)
Thanks for reading, and thank you all so much for your love and support!
-ToryLynn
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