Episode 83: My tools

My school year has finished up.  The grading and the reading and the meetings that have kept me from blogging and writing and just finding my place in the world are over and I can be selfish... at least for a little while.

For the next two weeks, I will covet my time, since little of it will be mine. The little bit of time I get to myself, such as now, in the early morning hours, I will cherish.  I will use this time to clean up my office (which badly needs it), work on some craft projects and read and rest and reflect and hopefully do a lot more writing.  I want to do morning pages. I want to read Sophie's World.  I want to get healthy, not just physically, but also mentally.  I want to be able to dance at my wedding, play with my eventual children and live a good long, healthy and happy life.  And I can do it, with the help of some tools that I need to pick up again.

Tools are good things. They help you maintain, reflect, become better.  I am a a huge supporter of tools, and I use a few on a semi-regular basis.  Well.. anybody who really knows me knows that I do very little out of habit or on a regular basis.  I can't even really seem to remember to take my meds every day.  Hmmm

Anyway, here are a few of my tools that I have picked up as I go along my merry way...

Tool One: My big pink notebook. AM calls it my "bible" and it's sort of an apt description.  I keep everything in there. It has 5 sections right now.  The first is my planner, second is food stuffs, third is blog ideas and random writings, fourth is wedding stuffs, and fifth is financial stuffs.  If I lose the thing, I won't be able to remember anything.  It has a nice loop for my pink fountain pen and it is wonderful.  I carry it with me nearly everywhere, though it does need to get cleaned out and replaced sooner or later... probably sooner.

Tool Two: My pen.  I have a hot pink Levenger True Writer fountain pen with Hope Pink ink in it.  (you may be noticing a trend.. it is my favorite color).  I almost put Morning Pages as my second tool, but I don't really write them as habitually as I am supposed to. One of my summer goals that I will be writing about in a later post (probably tomorrow).  My pink pen, like my pink notebook, goes with me everywhere.  It is a reminder that I am supposed to write.  It is a reminder that I can jot down a note and my weird kinesthetic brain will remember it more readily than just reading it or asking someone else to remind me.

Tool Three: Our big freakin' white boards.  We have two in the house. One of them is our calendar, which we write up every month and our To Do List for that month. It hangs next to our front door in a prominent place near the table in the kitchen. The other, much more neglected one, is in my office, full of project ideas that never really get done.  I have to work on this this summer.

Took Four: My phone.  In this day and age, I couldn't live without my phone. AM is constantly saying that I am always on my phone and I'm afraid he's right. I use my phone to help track everything.  It is my backup calendar which I coordinate with the planner in my pink notebook. It my food tracker, my mood tracker, my link to other people through Facebook.  I use a few fitness apps, and am trying out new ones all the time (most of them are free).

My final and Fifth (and best) tool: AM and my friends circle.  I cannot say how much these people have helped me.  From my online big brother, RO, to our Stockton Writer's Group, I have so much support.  Having a live in personal trainer and personal chef helps, as AM is constantly helping me be a better person and reminding me that I am so much more than I think I am and I can do so much more than I think can.  These people have helped me and made my life amazing.  They are supportive and give me great suggestions and kudos and high fives and big hugs and I appreciate and love them all for it.

Anywaysssss.... before I get too sappy... I am going back to bed.  I walked 3.74 miles yesterday and I am SO feeling it right now.  Now that I'm off for the summer, I plan on making writing part of my regime, as well as some reading, some exercising and a lot of snuggling from my wonderful AM! :)

Love and Lollipops,

ToryLynn

Episode 78: The Return of Wegetarian Wednesdays!

MM.. Wegetarian Wednesdays.  Where we wander through culinary bliss into the realm of the meatless.  We eat bean soups and spinach salads and sometimes a Trader Joe's Roasted Veggie pizza, if we're being particularly lazy.  The idea of Wegetarian Wednesdays came with the more frequent trips to the farmers markets, a reason to use up some of our market produce and it just felt right.

I like doing Wegetarian Wednesday on a Wednesday because it's the middle of the week. Some people prefer something like "Meatless Mondays" where they feel better about themselves after gorging all weekend by reasserting the diet mythos of "Oh, I will start over on Monday", which means that if you screw up on a Thursday afternoon, you have three free days of gorging yourself into oblivion which you can excuse by saying "Oh, it's ok. I'm starting a diet on Monday".  The point of Wegetarian Wednesdays isn't to start over, but to rededicate yourself.  If you slipped up a little on Tuesday, don't give up, but eat healthier.  That way you have Thursday, Friday and Saturday and you can go "I survived until Wednesday, why give up now?"  Wednesday is that hump in the road, that road block that we have to hurtle past into the unknown realms of diethood, where we can keep our heads held high and say "No, I ate Vegetarian last night.  I don't need that piece of Thursday morning bagel, and I don't have to take part in that Friday morning box of doughnuts that my boss just brought in. I have more willpower than that!"

Tonight's Wegetarian Wednesday was bean soup, which will get posted tomorrow for recipe Thursday.  It was a good thick hearty soup that was delicious.  I've noticed lately that a lot of our vegetarian meals sort of revolve around the idea of beans.  Beans for protein or beans just as a filling substitute to something that would normally be meat.  I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with beans, and they certainly made a delicious meal tonight, but there has to be more out there. 

AM and I switch off making meals every other night.  He is training and reading up on being a chef since he is going to culinary school, but I like to cook too, so every other night (well... hopefully), I am cooking. That means in an average month, I am preparing about 2 vegetarian dishes a month.  I need more variety with less starch.

So, I call out to you, gentle reader.  Help me increase my repertoire of vegetarian meals into my beautiful pink Arc planner, so that I can create a wonderful cookbook and have a whole slew of meals to create that will satisfy our tastebuds and our budget and not be just another bean soup or salad.

Hoping to hear from you soon...

Love and Lollipops,

ToryLynn

P.S.  I hope I never have to type Wednesday that many times ever again! :)

Episode 76: Happy!!

Every night before we go to bed, we sit at our dining room table, fountain pens in hand, and write on small 2"x2" pieces of paper that are cut from 24lb stock.  These pieces of paper are light blue and pink, the color of youth, the color of gender and for us, the color of happiness.  With my pen, filled with a beautiful hot pink ink called "Hope Pink" for breast cancer awareness I write my happy thoughts for the day.  Across the table from me, AM, with his turquoisish pen, filled with Bahama Blue, writes his happy thoughts for the day.  Our world is color coded in this way. When we are finished, we put them into an 8 cup Ball jar and seal the lid.  In this way, we record our happiness, one day at a time and fill a jar with love and hope.

We've been doing this since around February. Originally the thought had been to start January 1st, but we are slow to get organized.  The jar in the picture is our happy jar, with our happy thoughts color coded to suit us.  We put the day's triumphs, the happy little things that we did for each other, or that we talked about, or even just what we ate for the day.  They can be any thought, as long as they are happy and not negative.

The plan is to open the jar at the end of the year as a New Year's ritual and see all of the happy thoughts that we have created over the year.  Ideally, if we had started on January first, we would have 730 happy thoughts in it by the end of the year.  730 happy memories, 730 meals, 730 joys that we could share.  I am not sure what we will do with them as we review them. Perhaps we will create a scrapbook, putting them in order and gluing them to pages as a reminder of all the happiness that we had the year we got engaged and then got married.  Maybe we will let the jar fill (though it is already getting pretty full and we have to pack the slips down well) until our first anniversary, so we can have a record of our first year together and the time that we were engaged.  Maybe we will just tear them into smaller pieces and throw them over ourselves and our friends at our New Year's celebration.  We have a while to go until we pick out those pieces of paper and find out all of our happiness throughout the year.  I'm excited to see what he wrote, since our happy thoughts are private until the end of the year, locked up in our little jar on little pieces of blue and pink paper.

I hope that you all have your happy thoughts and that you share them with the ones that you love, today and every day.  Keep them somewhere safe, even if it is a journal or notebook, a planner or just in your memory, but my hope is that everybody has at least one happy thought a day, even if it is as simple as "the cute guy on the bus smiled at me" or "I ate all my vegetables" or even "I am still alive and my heart is still pumping blood through my body", everybody should be happy, every single day.

Here is to all of your happy thoughts!

Love and Lollipops,

ToryLynn

Episode 75: To market, to market

The cool morning air buzzed with the voices of the patrons and from the center of the market stalls, a single violinist fiddled away, singing folksy country songs  behind a metal can.  Familiar voices ring out from the stall and the scent of barbecuing meat wafts over the open market stalls.  There is no need for catcalls or showmanship by the sellers.  It is market day and there is very little reason to call attention to any particular booth, as all are busy with customers, some empty handed, some laden with goods from other booths, pick over the selection, chose their week's produce and go away happy.

This is the paradise I stepped in to this morning. The sun wasn't hiding so much as clothed gently in the wispy clouds, making the temperatures bearable in the early May morning.  I love going to the farmer's market.  We try to go weekly, but we will sometimes skip a week, but we are never really disappointed either.  WE go so often that we are beginning to know which stalls are our favorite. We are beginning to learn the names of the men and women who work behind the tables planted under canopies and tents.  They recognize us and smile and ask how we liked the selection that we took last week.  We mention soups and they smile, recommending cooking methods.  One merchant even gave us a handout with a recipe for red bean chocolate cake.  

I've written before about using locally grown produce, and about supporting our local economy and eating what is in season, what we find there at that market. It is wonderful to watch the colors change in the booths, from the verdant greens and yellows of the winter squashes to the bright beautiful redness of the ripest sweetest strawberries I have tasted in a long time.  We walk up the rows before we buy anything, checking prices against prices, looking for the best produce, never buying everything from just one booth.  

Market day used to be a tradition. It was a gathering place once a week for the town to get together and celebrate the harvest, celebrate the products that people brought out.  It was a chance for money to exchange, for a local economy to grow strong and for an area to flourish.  It kept the people together, and it kept the people's safe.  You didn't steal from the guy who sold you your food and if you were the seller, you didn't steal from your customers. In fact, you would often give someone down on their luck who was a good customer a deal on food.  

I think this is what we need to go back to. Create a community around these markets, create an idea that we are all in this together, and the world will be more peaceful!  Yay for market days! :)

Off to bed!

Love and Lollipops,

ToryLynn

Episode 68: Braaaaaaiiinnsssss!!!!

You are running through Abel Township, the wind in your face.  You are on a scouting mission, looking for supplies that will help the survivors and trying to dodge zombies... Yes.  Zombies.  As you run or even just walk fast - which is what I do - you hear them lurching and groaning behind you!  The only thing you can do is walk - or run, if you're healthier than I am - a bit faster.  Just a bit.  The voice of the zombie detector alerts you that zombies are only 100 yards behind you.  You put on a burst of speed, hoping against hope that you can outdistance them as they make their way towards you and you make your way towards the gate of the complex.  Your only chance of survival is getting back to civilization.  This is Zombies, Run!

I've only used the app a few times, but I can certainly see the merit in it.  Zombies run is a cross platform app that is meant to help motivate you to move more.  You put your headphones in, select an episode (I'm halfway through episode 2), turn on your GPS and head out for a morning walk.  The app does the rest for you, adding in music from a playlist that you tell it you want to hear music from (mine is called zombies and I'm constantly adding to it) and then interspersing story bits between songs.  As you go, you collect bits of helpful materials that will add to the health and happiness of Abel Township is currently second level.  The story is interesting and you hear a bit of sadness as the backstory of the encampment is revealed.  I'm not sure what is going on quite yet, but I have learned that I am the new Runner Five and in the first campaign, I happen to run into the first Runner Five, which turns into a tragic story of its own.

So far I am enjoying the app.  It is getting me out there; it is getting me moving.  My doctor was happy to hear I have something that helps to motivate me to move.  Because of an inflamed bursa in my knee, he asked me to take it slow, I will, but I am looking forward to my next zombie walk.

Oh, the program also has a Couch to 5k add on that I'm going to get as soon as I get used to walking more often.  Maybe not by April, but sometime in the next year, I will be able to walk a 5k.  Then, perhaps, I will work up to a light jog.

Here's to a happy, healthy New Year... with zombies!!

ToryLynn (who knows she can survive the zombie apocalypse given enough training!)

Episode 54: Starbucks Sunday

It is a beautiful day today.  The sun is shining, leaving golden streaks of light across the floors, there is soft music playing over the loud speakers and the woosh and swirl of coffee drinks being made fill the air as well as the chatter of my fellow diners.  My keyboard clicks pleasantly, and the cares of my week sort of melt away.  It is Starbucks Sunday, and I sit in my neighborhood Starbucks, typing up a new blog post and enjoying the companionship of AM.

It's funny sitting here, drinking my Grande Skinny Cafe Mocha (which we figured at 4 points) and eating my Noah's Everything Bagel Thin with Garlic Cream Cheese and Lox (7 points), for a satisfying, healthyish breakfast.  AM really fell into my Sunday morning routine pretty quickly, and nearly every other day of the week, is trying to feed me healthy foods like vegetables (gasp!) and fruits (swoon!) and even... even.. some Pho soup, which he makes pretty well! 

The last couple of weeks haven't been entirely good for my diet though.  My birthday came and went with two different chocolate cakes (I totally *don't* recommend the Chewy Fudge Bistro Cake from Safeway if you aren't prepared to die in a decadent chocolate heaven and want to eat the entire thing in one evening... which I did with the help of a few of my friends) and Valentine's Day as well as one of my students selling Girl Scout cookies.  Thin Mints are evil little minions of the diet devils!  AM finally hid the box of cookies for me on the top shelf of our kitchen storage in a place that I can't get to unless I use the foot stool. So, they are safe for now.  

So, we are rededicating ourselves to the idea of tracking points again, reading articles on the Weight Watchers website, and doing Wii Fit and walking to melt off the weight.  It is just as easy to buy and eat healthy food as it is to buy and eat junk food. There is a sign at the Weight Watchers that says "If you don't buy it, you can't eat it" and I was looking at that sign and thinking about how that is so true. If I don't buy the healthy foods, I can't eat healthy foods and get myself better.  If I don't buy the junk foods, I won't eat them because they won't be at my house.  I think that's a fairly good idea.  And with time, I will start to look at the vegetable aisle more than the cookie aisle; I will start to scope out the flavored waters instead of the Monsters; I will make a berry cobbler rather than a whole tray of cinnamon rolls.  I will be a healthier, happier person... and I will love myself more for it.

I have been eating a lot healthier than I was before, and amazingly enough, I am seeing the rewards.  My skin is clearer, my moods aren't fluctuating nearly as rapidly, and I can almost say that my bipolar disorder is a thing of the past.  I still get sad, and I still get happy, but everything seems so much more controllable. 

I am happy... and that is the best thing in the world.  Thank you to all of my friends and family for helping me to take care of myself.  Thanks most to AM who is helping me be a better person.  

Love, lollipops and hugs!

ToryLynn

P.S. I do plan on posting more often.  Hopefully I can get back to nearly daily updates.  I have a lot to think about and.. Spring Break in 2 weeks! Woot woot!!

Episode 52: Hiatus Over!

This blog was meant to record my weight loss journey, and quickly became just a place for me to talk about my life, my divorce, new love and getting myself back in order.  The last three weeks or so have been crazy in the "not caring about what I eat or taking care of myself at all" end, but food has definitely taken center stage in the last few weeks.  Such delicious, wonderful food.

So, on the 7th, I picked up AM from SFO and really, we have been eating up a storm ever since he landed! Bubba Gump's, Dante's Pizza, Ghirardelli (for breakfast on a Sunday morning.. mmm)... well... let's say they haven't been good for my waistline.  In the last two weeks, I have gained almost 6 pounds.  Ugh... time to get back to writing down everything I eat and start looking at the way that I eat.  I guess you can't live like a teenager forever.

It's not that eating right when I'm with someone is difficult.  I can make healthy meals and share them.  I have kind of taken to ordering great meals, and sharing them with someone now.  The problem is that I am not keeping track of what I am eating, and I am not really ordering the lowest point food on the menu.  I have been eating a lot of high calorie foods that just aren't good for me.

On the other hand, I have also been discovering a new love for some foods I would have never thought to try before.  One night we tried Vietnamese food, specifically a place called "Pho Lucky" which has wonderful noodle soup and some really great sweet and sour pork. I probably didn't need the sweet and sour pork, but every time I go to any place with Asian cuisine, I have to order sweet and sour pork. It is the touchstone I use to judge.  They have really awesome sweet and sour pork. The batter is light and fluffy and the sauce isn't drowning the pork, but rather lightly poured on so that you can try the pork without any sauce as well.  It's awesome!

Pho has been the only cuisine I have really discovered that I haven't tried yet, but we do plan on having different cuisines that are new to me, including Thai, Indian, and Japanese hibachi, and a few others that I can't really think of right now.

So, I am starting a new culinary exploration, but I am also going to try and stick to the diet plan, so if we go out, it will only be once a week.  We will try new foods, old foods and foods we enjoy.  I want to find healthy meals at new places, but also try some of the full fat stuff as well, so this is what I plan.  I am planning on documenting our culinary journeys in this blog, as well as keeping it full of my thoughts on weight loss and life and everything.  When we go out (and it should be limited to maybe once a week instead of once a day), I will take a picture of both of our meals and write a review of how they taste. (AM is ok with me stealing a few bites from his plate for a good cause) and write a blog of the best food places in California.  We plan on going to San Francisco about once a month (definitely for my birthday this year, if anybody wants to hang out), and out to dinner once a week and to Noah's and Starbucks every Sunday morning where we hang out and have bagels, coffee and spend an hour or so writing (until my laptop battery dies).  Altogether, I am having a pretty good existence.  Now.. I need to have a good existence with some healthy food thrown in as well.

I will definitely update this blog at least once a week, if not more often.  For now, know that I am happy, I am safe, I am well nagged, and I am loved.  Life couldn't be better than this. Well, it could if I was about 150 pound lighter and without an ear infection, but those will all pass away into memory and I will be happy, sexy and so blissful they will see me glowing from the Empire State building.

Love and hugs and happy nibbles to all!

Tory

Episode 15: Renaissance and Coffee :)

Sounds like an interesting book title, doesn't it?

So, first bit of news! I got my new Keurig!!  I got a serious bonus in overages this month and I earned a beautiful reward of a new Keurig coffee system.  It is amazing.  From the first sip of my cup of French Vanilla Roast to my last sip of the Hazelnut that I had today, the coffee is amazing. And! I can program it to make me a cup of coffee upon my waking up in the morning! How awesome is that!  But wow.. that liquid comes out hot!

So anyway... Yesterday was sort of a whirlwind and I had an amazing day with AH.  I woke up, took a bath, blow dried my hair (wouldn't want the extra water in my hair to weigh me down) and went to weigh in. I lost 7 pounds this week.  The outpouring of pride in me has been especially felt deep in my heart, and it makes me want to keep going... no matter how bumpy it's beginning to look on the outside...

So, I pack AH in the car and he sleeps on the way to the Northern California Renaissance Faire.  For some reason, I feel extremely at peace with this world.  As I enter the gates, I just become enveloped in the experience.  I nod my head to passersby; I politely bow my body to those in a higher position than I; I smile at fools and small children, and something inside me clicks.  It's like my heart settles and my mind sort of goes on autopilot.

The Ren Faire we go to is set up like a marketplace. There are a lot of shops and some stages, and games and more shops and gypsies and pirates and fairies and royalty and peasants and everything wonderful. There are bright vivid costumes, loud bustling talk as people haggle and negotiate and laugh. There are bawdy performances, there are street hockers, there are musicians wandering through the street playing their instruments.  This noisy, glorious, tumultuous experience is where I feel a deep sense of peacefulness.  I wander through the stores, glance at wares I am interested in (I got a lovely new leather bound journal for poems written by hand. The cotton paper drinks up the ink from my fountain pen, and AH got some pouches for his eventual garb. I even got a new silver barrette for my hair.)  I sit down to watch the Bold and Stupid Men show (though it is with different people, it is still amusing) and get a medallion stamped (This year's is a beautiful silver clad necklace with a claddagh on one side and the Green man on the other).  Everything put me at ease.  I felt that I belonged to this era of hand crafted books and cacophonous brilliance roaming through the streets of the dirt path that mapped out our way through the market.  It was wonderful!

We stopped by In-N-Out on the way home and I got to eat anything I wanted, as I still had all of my weekly points remaining, and I was glad that I wasn't eating the turkey legs and roasted skewered vegetables that were the fare of the faire.

We had a lovely time, and came home happy. He fell asleep on the couch, exhausted from an oveworked week, and I went to some poetry reading and spent time with great friends.  Altogether, a wonderful Sunday.

I am to bed.. It is time.

I love you all and hope that you keep safe and happy!

Tory