Weighing in on: Division in our country

 I know that I started this as a weight loss/health blog, but I think it's just going to become my blog. Just me and my random-ass thoughts that I want to put out there.  Maybe you, dear reader, will agree with them. Maybe you won't. I try not to judge. (There are enough people in the world to do that for me, thank you.)

So, I recently had what was probably food poisoning, but it kept me at home for the last three days, making sure I didn't get too far from the bathroom.  I seem to be recovering. (I lost 13 pounds this week, but will probably get it back when I stop shitting my brains out...Hey! I need those brains!!)

What brought me here, drear reader, is that in my ick addled phase, I didn't want to think very hard, so I turned on a movie that I used to use to teach genocide and the Holocaust: Hotel Rwanda.  I haven't seen it in years, but when I was finished watching it, I was sobbing at the end - and not for all the dead Rwandans, although that was sad as well. 

(Side note: Do you ever get that feeling that everything is just kind of better if you've had a good cry.  Sometimes I put on REALLY sad movies just to make myself cry. I love those movies, and I do have a good cry, and then I feel a bit emotionally better.  Yeah... Catharsis. Love that.... anyway, back to the show).

So, if you haven't seen Hotel Rwanda, here's the plot in a very small nutshell. Rwanda is in political turmoil, some political mucky muck dies, a band of one group of people blame another group of people and decide to kill everybody who they think is responsible because of... some arbitrary bullshit thing that a  group of white Europeans put on them. As this band of people goes around trying to kill everybody (thus the genocide bits), one brave dude is like "not in my hotel" and sort of accidentally ends up turning a hotel into a refugee camp, which gets attacked and threatened and nearly loses his family and his life and... lots of people die. In the end, enough of his guests are important (read: rich) enough to call in some favors and get the UN to help them out. Lots of people die, but hotel dude saves like.. a bit over 1000 people or so. (Kinda like African Schindler's list in the 90's).

Now, that's all sad and stuff. People die. They show a lot of dead people. They show bands of people with machetes and machine guns just murdering swaths of people. It's awful. But that's not the part that got me right in the feels the hardest.

There is a scene where Joaquin Phoenix (as this American camera man) is hitting on one of the young women at a bar, and he asks them which group they belong to. They admit to being on opposites sides (but still friends.. yay!) JP comments that "they could be twins", and that's where I kind of got all chilled up weepy... and scared. Mostly because I see so many parallels to our current political situation and that scares me.

Because- Democrats look just like Republicans. Like the Civil War in the 1860's, people take up arms to  fight against brothers and sisters, cousins and parents, because of a stupid belief, and I worry so much that someone on the internet may just put out the call to "Cut down the tall trees" like they did in Rwanda to signal the time to kill, and then that will be that and we will have blood on our streets again.

No matter what side you are on of the political debate, you have to admit that the internet and everything is kind of making things crazy, and there are people on completely opposite sides of the political spectrum who look like normal people, but when they open their mouth the crazy just pours out.  And that's scary, because on the fringes of "normal people" who are just trying to make a living and get by, are the crazies, and it was the crazies in Rwanda who started taking over and killing people, who took up machetes and machine guns. What's to stop them from doing that here? 

I know, there are a lot of fail-safes and systems in place here to stop that from happening. National Guard, military, normal sane people. But it's still scary when you start seeing the little bits of common sense that you thought people have just sort of leaking away.

Do have I have solution? No. Just fear.  And hope. And hope is stronger. 

We must learn from the past.

Sick Day

 I love Autumn. I love the crisp air, the sound when the wind sussurrates through the trees, and the light is grey from the clouds. It makes me think of flannel sheets, glowing screens and comfort. It has been a beautiful day.  I took a sick day today to catch up on my grading and catch up on my mental health. The weekend just wasn't enough.

I always feel guilty when I take Mondays off, mostly because I think it makes me look lazy, like I'm trying to get a vacation or a three day weekend, but this one was the culmination of too many vegetables - and the resulting upset stomach - and stress. Since I got COVID, my life has been nothing but stress lately: stress because of procrastination; stress because I am just still so tired all the time; stress because I'm me, and I'm not taking care of myself.

Something is motivating me this week, and I hope that I can hold on to this feeling. It felt like something clicked into place. I started journalling again. It feels good to write in my journal again. It's good for my mental health to find a place. One of my students said to me this week "I haven't been using the Word of the Day, Ms. M. I've just been writing to myself, and it really seemed to help!"  I was so proud of him. Writing can be cathartic, and it's good to see that at least something is getting through to some of my students. 

I have two weeks until Fall Break, and then I can relax. I am hoping that I can relax with all of my grades done so that I can sit at Panera, drinking free coffee, writing and planning out this year's novel. It will be so good for my health. (Panera is my favorite third space!) I like to go in the morning when it's cool so that I can write while my husband is still asleep. (He usually doesn't wake up before 10.) I'm trying to write a romance this year- something I really haven't tried in a long time, but many say I would be pretty good at. I'm excited. The idea affords some research and a lot of imagination, but I'm excited.

Two more weeks... I can't wait to get to my writing life again. :)

Episode 82: The Kindness of Strangers

I am at my favorite stand at the farmer's market, looking at cucumbers, having just wrapped up some red onions that were bigger than my hand, when out of nowhere, I get body checked, hard on my shoulder.  I turn around to see who is attacking me, wondering if I was in the way and they just didn't see me.  My apology turn to mock rage as I scream "Bitch!" at the person who ran into me.  It's my sister, and she's laughing at my response.  She and her family have arrived just as we are getting ready to leave.  We decide to stay with them and enjoy the presence of her, Thing One, Thing Two and their older brother and her husband.

We get to the stand where the fruit is sold and stand discussing the myriad sweet delights, when from behind us we hear an unmistakable thud, and turn to see a tall, thin man has fallen over at our feet. Both of us, shocked, reach for him to see if there is anything we can do to help and if he is all right.  A  heavier set woman, his mother we are to learn, brushes us away and order us to stand back, that he is having a seizure.  Her son then begins to convulse, and we are stunned as his muscles spasm and his body clenches.  My stomach drops immediately and my system begins panic mode.

"Call 911" his mother demands, and my sister pulls out her cell phone.  Immediately, she is on the phone with the dispatcher, and the woman turns to me and shoots numbers at me, telling me to call her husband.  I don't know how I did it, but my body and my brain seemed to respond better than my emotions because I pull out my phone and immediately dial the numbers I have only heard once.  I can NEVER do that, but I did.  The call connects and I hand the phone to the woman, who directs her husband to where she and her son are.  Then, from around us, other kind strangers immediately show up to help.  A man who has experience tells us not to move the seizing man, who we learn later is named Thomas, a who has only had one previous seizure 5 years prior and has severe autism. A nearby vendor brings a mat for him to put his head on.  Another vendor from the other side brings a stool for the woman to sit on. AM goes to flag down the ambulance and clear the aisle so that paramedics can reach the man safely and effectively.  All of these motions around me happened quickly, fluidly, and it was only after that my body's shock wore off and I felt my tears well up from sudden emotional overload.

It is times like these, when the emergency and danger has passed, that I step back and marvel at the wonder that is the rest of the human race.  I didn't panic, nor did the people around me. You often hear stories about emergencies where people go into hysterics, but I saw none of that.  People were calm and were willing to help out immediately as was needed, or to get the hell out of the way when they weren't. People are kind and caring, not because they will get something out of it, but because other people need help.  We were, and the vendors and customers, were willing to help this woman and her son.  Thomas eventually came out of his seizure to find strangers over him, talking to him carefully. He can't respond verbally, but only nods his head, and people around him continue to talk in soothing voices to him and his mother, who stays on my sister's phone until the paramedics arrive.  These people didn't know Thomas or his mother, they didn't have any connection to them, but when they were needed, they were willing to help in any way that they could.

Some may call this heroism, some may call it bravery. I think it just what becomes of being a decent human being.  Every decent human being should be willing to help their fellow man.  Today gave me hope that there are people out there who are still decent human beings.

I don't pray, but I hope that Thomas, and his mother, are doing well. I send healing thoughts and caring out through the universe.

Love and Lollipops,

ToryLynn