My scariest health scare in a while...

Physically and mentally I have had a really hard time lately. In June or July, my doctor took me off of my blood pressure medication.  My body and my brain have been going through an absolute mess ever since.

The blood pressure medication was discontinued because of an allergy. My face started swelling up. This probably started in 2019, and was mostly just the left side of my face on my jaw. There would be a strange feeling, then a lump, then a little bit of swelling. I finally broke down around January or February of 2020 and finally went to the urgent care doctor that could see me and they diagnosed me with a blocked salivary gland. Try to eat less sodium-- and hey, while you're at it, work on losing some weight. To help activate the salivary glands, why not suck on some hard candies. 

The swelling continued, without any explanation, and sometimes it got into my throat, which would construct as if I had tonsillitis or something. We were told that it was a food allergy, so let's do an allergy diet. Constrict a food, see if that helps. I got rid of cinnamon and mangos and watermelon and lettuce and a few others that I honestly can't remember.  I introduced them back in to no reaction, so continued to eat them. 

I tried that, and for a while, it seemed to work a little bit. Then, sometime during the pandemic, I would guess winter of 2020, I had a major episode. My face started to swell, but this time, it wasn't just my face, but my throat completely closed off as well. I stopped being able to breathe through my mouth. I couldn't breathe if I was laying down. I could sit up with a TON of pillows behind me and my CPAP machine on and sort of breathe that way, but if I laid down at all, everything was completely constricted. Because of the pandemic, the thought of going to the emergency room by myself caused a severe anxiety attack, so I waited it out. The swelling went down, but I decided I was done with this.

I contacted my doctor again, wondering if this could be some kind of autoimmune disease or something strange, and she sent me in for tests.  Nothing too exciting came back. I had some elevated things and some low things. Then on January 20th, Inauguration Day, I woke up at midnight to the itching and swelling -- again.  I posted a picture to my Facebook, joking about how my face was so proud that Biden was President it had swelled right up.

Ultimately, we found out that it was an allergy to a medication. I stopped taking the medication and almost immediately lost 25 pounds.  I found most of it again, since I'm not moving as much as I should, and also because of all of the testing and medical stuff found out that I have some tumors on my hip, arthritis in my back and lymphedema in my legs. 

I don't make resolutions. I'm bad at keeping them, as most people are, so I'm going to leave this here to think about and to encourage myself and others to take better care of themselves. I'm tired of being scared. 

Episode 32: Observation

Ok.. this one isn't going to be about weight loss at all, but about school and how incredibly nervous I am!

My evaluation observation is today.  The administrator has been given my lesson plans and I have a my powerpoint ready and all of my lesson plans set up with all of my handouts. My classroom is sort of messy, but as soon as I take a shower, I'm going to go remedy that situation.  I am going to be amazing. I am going to wander and make sure everybody is working. I am going to check for understanding. I am going to make sure that my students all understand what theme is. I am going to be amazing.  I am unnerved.

Because my life has been going through so many changes recently, I am gaining a certain amount of confidence in myself.  I hope that confidence comes through in my classroom today. I hope that I shine as bright as the Chrysler building! :)  I hope I do great things.  I'm not exactly as well planned for my Junior class as I would like, but so that goes, I suppose.

I am rambly today because I am nervous.  I am nervous because I am afraid to get a bad review. Even though I have tenure, even though I have a decent respect of the administration and my own limitations, I am afraid of getting a bad review.  But I am a great teacher. I connect to my students, I pay attention to their needs. I know my materials and my curriculum.  I *am* a good teacher.  So why do I suddenly feel that I totally lack confidence? Why am I so nervous and scared all of a sudden?  I'm not sure.

I have to take a shower and pick out some clothes to wear.  I have had my coffee for today, eaten my cottage cheese with pineapple, and have plans for lunch with a teacher friend to debrief and talk about lesson plans and stuff and a plan with AM to unwind and watch Full Metal Alchemist (awesome anime) to unwind this evening.  Today will be a good day. I know it will.  I'm just.. crossing my fingers and my toes and would even cross my ovaries..if I could!

Love and lollipops and wish me luck!

Tory